I woke up in the afternoon, late, with a big headache. Everything revolved around me. After Emir left, I drank a lot, to numb my senses. I felt empty, meaningless, without him. I was finally feeling something different for the first time in my life.
I felt a hand caressing me, it was Alex. I jumped like I was on fire. I didn't want him to touch me, I felt that I was betraying Emir. I didn't want to belong to another man. I got up from the bed, gently pushing the hand that was trying to grasp me. I felt her cold like a snake crawling on me. Without a word, I left the bedroom, instinctively stopping in the hallway in front of the mirror. I looked directly into my eyes. A pain so sharp engulfed me, that it was as if the mirror had broken and I was walking on its shards. My image dissipated in it while a huge emptiness encompassed me and hugged me, suffocating me. I felt that I had to leave the house, free myself and cool my mind. Everything around me was spinning, I felt like I was on quicksand.
I knew what I had done and that starting with that moment I had lost all my life that I had known until then.
I couldn't look Alex in the eye anymore, I felt like I hated him, but actually I hated myself.
Emir, Carina, Alex, to which other fluctuating characters can be added, temporarily form a couple or a trio, which comes together and dissolves, not according to the unwritten rule of dreaming, but according to the rule of domestic "chaos", at the request and to the desire of each of the partners. Life in three is a panda and an archive of the smallest gestures of the other partners. The chasm, the title of a chapter, deepens throughout the book. Emotion, the feeling as a binder, only works epidermally, on the surface. Everyone's hidden mirror says something different. Hence an "emotional unavailability", an anti-connection between the passenger partners.
Florentina Barbu's book tries to find the mirage, the miraculous possibility of giving flying wings to a petrified butterfly.