My story could have any of the following titles: Life and its imperfections; The fragility of life; Between life and illness; Life after the disease of the century; Cancer, a taboo subject; Good morning, life! I find myself in each of them.
When I wanted to write the first lines of this book, I realized that I did not know where to start and how to structure my ideas. Then, as I laid out my memories on the white sheet, I was overcome by feelings of anger, helplessness, but also liberation. The reason for these contradictory feelings was that, at the moment of recollection, I was reliving the pain and despair of a time that was over, but felt as present. Today, I am proud that I remained strong in the face of those challenges.
My words may not denote modesty, but by challenges I understand things such as investigations, radiotherapy, chemotherapy and surgical operations. Only those who go through such events can understand the frenzy of the feeling of victory over the threat of the unknown.
I started listing the trials with the investigations, because they represent the first and easiest part. The only obligation is to remain still for fifteen minutes to two hours, listening to instructions on how and when to breathe, and enduring the stings that the introduction of the contrast agent imposes.
Radiotherapy and chemotherapy, on the other hand, cause states that are not easily forgotten. Only then do you realize how helpless you begin to be and how difficult the most banal things become.
Analyzing the protocol that I followed and that helped me achieve healing, I realize that the surgeries were the hardest in this entire process.
I went through two surgeries that made me feel, especially the second one, the one to re-integrate the colon, that I had overcome a terrible threat, but that my life would gain the desired harmony.
Now, thinking things over in peace and balance, I realize that nothing is harder to bear than uncertainty. You don't know what will happen to you, how your body will react to the treatments it is subjected to, and, especially, how you will react to the misinformation that, whether you like it or not, you are exposed to.
Being in this uncertain situation, you become very vulnerable because of similar life stories that are told to you as not having a happy ending. And, thus, because of the unscrupulous words of some and others, you find that you are much more receptive to negative suggestions and increasingly worried about your chance of full recovery.
During all this time, it is natural to be curious, but you should not get information from unreliable sources, as they can increase anxiety and stress, which are unfavorable to healing and can affect you in a very dangerous way.
The best thing for people going through such a situation is to limit themselves to discussions with the doctor. He is best able to answer your most intimate questions, because only he knows your medical record.
Presenting the thoughts that have tried me throughout this experience was like going to a psychologist, where you open up and let the overwhelming feelings come out. These feelings arise because of the new situation you are exposed to, but also because of the medical treatment that you must strictly follow throughout the entire period.
I started writing this book because I am convinced that time will erase some of my memories, which I still want to keep alive because, going through this situation, I understood that almost nothing is impossible if you really want it, but there must be motivation, as well as the necessary actions.
Most of the time, life is not a corner of heaven or a storybook; you have to face many problems, which may or may not be serious, but you have to be strong, control your tears, suppress your pain, overcome helplessness. To move forward with a lot of will and confidence.
I do not know if my biography can be taken as a life lesson, nor if I can be considered a role model. However, I assure you that this book presents real events from my life, one hundred percent, which can also be observed with the help of the illustrations inserted in each chapter.
I mention that the names of some people (medical staff), as well as the names of the clinics and hospitals I went through, have been changed.
These are my memories, of a 32-year-old person, subjected to events from which he learned that life can go on, despite trials no matter how dramatic.